The Day after: how it turned out

"East End Rocks, Shadows, Seaweed, " c Sukie Curtis, 2010, 10x10, oil on canvas

When I finally got outside that day (which is now many days ago, four whole weeks ago, July 25, to be exact), I loaded up my car and drove around a little, trying some of my former outdoor painting haunts to see how things looked--tide, sky, clouds, etc. 

I didn't want to waste a lot of time driving around (and I could see that it might help to decide where you're going to go the night before, and just deal with whatever conditions are there), so I ended up near the boat ramp at the East End of Portland, looking northeast toward Falmouth and Cumberland and the islands of Casco Bay that lie in that direction--Mackworth, with its causeway, then some smaller ones I don't know the names of, then Clapboard and Sturdivant.

It was around 8 am, if I remember right; the sun was well up in the sky, there weren't many clouds. The sky was a pale milky blue, nearly cloudless, and there was no wind to speak of. In other words, the sky and the water were . . . boring. No variations, no fun clouds to capture, no wind ripples or stretches of rough water.  I honestly didn't want to paint what was in front of me--at least not until I noticed what was really right in front of me.

The shadows among the tumble of rocks and boulders along the shore, and near the water's edge, splotches of exposed seaweed. 

Remember, this was the first time I had painted outside in over a year, so I was feeling a little bit timid. I wanted to enjoy myself, and I really didn't want to end up frustrated and disappointed with my painting experience. I didn't even get out my easel for starters, but instead found a flat expanse of rock on which to sit, with my paint box beside me on the rock, my bag of paint, brushes, and assorted equipment on the ground by my feet. I put on my well-used apron and held a prepared canvas in my lap. 

"Keep it simple," I might have coached myself. "Just start somewhere." I had a feeling that once I got started mixing colors, or something, anything, I'd be OK. I just had to get started.

It was the deep, velvety shadows in the rocks that held my attention the most, so I started mixing colors for those, not really trying to be visually accurate, but to enjoy the process and see where it would lead. The painting up above is where it led. I worked for over an hour, I think, though I really don't remember the details any more. I worked until I felt I was finished, was satisfied with what I had done, was hungry and ready to get out of the sun. 

When I got home, happy to have broken through the mixture of fear, self-doubt, and inertia that had kept me from painting outside for a year, I put my painting up on my wall to dry and rather quickly decided I'd like to paint a variation based on it, to change the composition a little bit and just play around. 

Which I did a day or two later. Which produced the following:

Rocks, Shadows, Seaweed Variation, c Sukie Curtis, 2010, 10x10, oil on canvas

Shadows!

Shadows have a somewhat checkered reputation in the human imagination. Think phrases like a "shadowy figure" or a "dark, shadowy corner" to suggest danger, threat, and general creepiness.

But shadows aren't all bad! Carl Jung was clear about that--that our "shadow" psychologically speaking consists of our unclaimed gifts, talents, and capacity for greatness every bit as much as our unwanted "bad traits," such as anger or narrow-mindedness or stinginess. We project both aspects of our "shadows" onto others if we're not careful and attentive to ourselves--the former onto heroes, public servants, "saints" and other figures whom we deem to be "extra good" (sometimes teachers, clergy, even celebrities!).

The latter we project onto those we identify as "bad guys" of whatever stripe fits the bill, including some of the same categories of people who receive our "positive shadows"! Psychological health and wisdom require us to wake up and withdraw our projections from others to be who we are, responsibly using our gifts and our greatness, while "owning," accepting, and managing our less admirable traits. (Easier said than done, but important nonetheless!)

But I didn't start this post to get into psychology. I was actually aiming to celebrate real shadows!

Yesterday after at least six very rainy days in a row, and many more in previous weeks, the sky brightened while I was out walking Digory. Even before the sun had broken through the fog and clouds, the sky grew bright enough to project very faint shadows. I was ecstatic!

Right now, at 1 pm on July 4, the sun is really and truly and fully shining, and the shadows are distinct and clean-edged and delightful!

Today I am grateful for shadows!