I keep telling myself that honesty in my writing is really important, the way to really heartfelt, gutsy, interesting writing. And then I don't quite deliver. Keep holding back for fear of "what people will think."
I even started my second blog, "Learning to Play", at least partly in hopes of getting more honest there, as if a second blog by a different title would make it easier to be really honest without worrying about what people think.
Well, guess what? It didn't. In fact, it only made things more complicated because I now find myself having to decide what belongs in which blog. Not helpful.
So, while I'm not going to shut down "Learning to Play" (who knows what purpose it might have some day?), I do plan to pretend it doesn't exist for a while. Just keep blogging in this blog.
And here's a second thing: because I want to be a gutsy, funny, honest, and compassionate writer, I'm going to try being a gutsy, funny, honest, and compassionate writer. Maybe (joy of joys!) I already am just that in my best writing moments. I am simply doing my best to be clear here, publicly raising the bar on myself, that this is what I'm really committing to do.
While also being a playful, colorful, and happy painter of paintings and maker of collages.
I told a friend yesterday that blogging was a way of lowering the bar for myself, not expecting great magnum opi (I suppose the plural would have to be magni opi) and thereby finding a way to remember that I enjoy writing, that it's not all torture. And that when I forget about myself and the tortured writer thing, I not only have fun with it but also usually write better stuff.
So now I'm taking advantage of the lowered bar by raising it in a different way. Raising the honesty bar while not getting hung up on the quality bar.
Tell me this: wouldn't you be more curious about a place called The Honesty Bar than a place called The Quality Bar?