Tuesday, February 10, 2009

One Clear Dream

Well, that seems clear enough! The other night I dreamed that I was back at the church where I worked in Concord, Massachusetts before David and I moved to Maine. I was at that church when David and I "courted" and got engaged and married and started our life as a clergy couple, visited by what I called my  "psyche invasion dreams," with the rector and various parishioners appearing in our bedroom and bathroom and other such intimate spaces (I'm talking nighttime dreams here!). 

So in this latest dream it was late in the week, and I knew it was my turn to preach on Sunday and that I hadn't started any sermon preparation. I was heading home to my house right next door to the church (Oh, did I not mention that? That was true in the daytime as well as in my dreams.) when I decided I needed to go back upstairs to my office. I turned to head back up the stairs in the parish house, and due to recent renovations, the door that used to lead to the hallway to my office was blocked off! There was fresh new wall board in place, not yet even painted. I decided to try another way around through the other end of the hall, but that door was now a wall as well! I was still trying to figure out another way back when I woke up.

I like that phrase "due to recent renovations." Last April when I formally renounced my ordination, the bishop made sure that I understood that this was for all intents and purposes an irrevocable step. There would be no going back to being a priest as far as the Church is concerned. From the official Episcopal Church perspective there never was a way back. But I trust that this dream was communicating to me about my own inner reality: that over the past nine months (what a catchy-sounding time span!) there have been renovations taking place, and now from the perspective of my own deepest self, I'm moving on. Episcopal priest? Been there; done that. No way to go back, and no need to, either. 

I like that dream.


Barb@barbarababkirk.com said...

I particularly liked this blog (and dream), Sukie!

Bekah said...

I like this Mummy

I admire you for not looking back

Love Bekah

Sarah said...

Just in case part of you was worried you might slip back into it...ha ha! What a delightfully reassuring dream. Thanks for sharing!

Sukie Curtis said...

Thanks for all the comments. This blog clearly struck a chord with people, as I heard from a few others via email. Something about the clarity of the dream inspiring a clear statement of forward movement.

Cori Lynn Berg said...

Sukie, what frustrates me about this is the no return. What about grace??? What if you ever did decide you wanted to go back? What makes us think that being a priest is different than any other job -- sometimes it might be right and at other times it might not. Statements like that are about punishment and just plain harassing and threatening. I'm so frustrated. It's really the church that has lost someone, not you.